Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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