We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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