have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
