maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
