If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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