you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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