i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Are we still banned from the library?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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