There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
