I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
