Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
