How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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