So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
