Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I did not marry a roomba.
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