my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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