Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
