That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
