I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
