I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
pray to the hookup gods
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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