i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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