Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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