this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
