he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
