Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have post one night stand depression
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
