when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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