I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
