i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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