Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
