Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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