Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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