$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
another moral hangover. fuck.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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