can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Randomize
