can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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