Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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