i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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