Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
