I wish my penis had an off switch
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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