you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
