let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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