After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
