you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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