yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
