Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
