i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
