he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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