So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
