Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
