I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Dicks are not precious.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
