I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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