Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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