I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
bring money and cleavage
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
